"Remember Me, I was Famous Once" Big Brother

Here are the people desperate to hang onto the little bit of fame they lost years ago, I mean (minor) celebrities chosen for this year's Celebrity Big Brother.

Random Member of the public.
I once wrote a screen play which featured this gag, putting an unknown around an ensemble cast and criticising them when they didn't recognise who it was. This was 10 years ago. An interesting twist for this year's show, this blonde bint has to convince all the celebs that she is in fact one of them if she is to stay in the house.

Michael Barrymore
I can't wait for someone to push him in the pool and ask how he likes it.

Pete Burns
I used to like "You Spin Me Right Round" when I was younger. What the hell happened to this guy since then? He loses the eye-patch and changes gender along the way.

Traci Bingham
A non-blonde Baywatch babe, now here's a reason for tuning in. I guess she demanded the pink gym be installed. She won't be that well known in the UK though.

Maggot
Goldie Lookie Chain Member who has probably been picked as this year's Bez, or is it Kenzie. Nice to see tracksuits represented in the house.

Rula Lenska
I thought she was dead.

Jodie Marsh
Traci Bingham who? Jodie has that Owen Wilson what-is-wrong-with-their-nose thing going on.

Denis Rodman
The nearest thing to Celebrity we have yet. Definitely a weirdo though. Can you sense that he doesn't quite know why he's there?

Faria Alam
Oh dear, the words "bucket", "bottom" and "scraping" spring to mind. She slept with the England coach and sold the story to make some cash.

Preston from the Ordinary Boys
Who? Someone not selling enough records thrown into the lion's den by his record label I reckon.

George Galloway
Oh boy! What is he doing on this? A good way to be heard for sure, assuming the TV execs allow it.