Live-8

To all those "pop stars" who took the time out to play their slots today, when you return to your million pound hotels or upmarket hotel suites tonight I hope you sleep well knowing that your album sales are likely to see a slight increase on Monday.

To those of you who haven't had a TV appearance since the last Live Aid, I hope you wake up on Monday morning with invitiations to daytime TV shows and interviews with the press that could mean your career gets the restart you've tried so long trying to achieve.

To Elton John, I hope you continue to spend a small fortune on ornaments and flowers at your home, money that if you genuinely cared could be given to the kids you want us to worry about.

To Bono, thanks for making it clear there are people out there doing what they can to survive whatever the cost. Just remember you're back in court on Monday fighting over who owns a hat and jacket you once wore. I'm sure you'll win, after all the woman isn't anyone important and you're bound to have paid a significant amount in legal fees to make sure you win.

To those bands reforming for one day, if you were passionate about your past you wouldn't need to wait for events like this to get back together. May it trigger more sales of your greatest hits albums that have probably been flatlining for the last few years.

To the Spice Girls, thanks for doing something right for once.

To Sir Bob, May today's venture give you another knighthood. After all you did get to kneel before the queen for the last Live Aid concert, a gig that brought the plight of Africa to the world's attention but did nothing about it. After all if your masterplan had been successful then you wouldn't have needed today's gig, right! So in fact you've been given a knighthood for nothing more than shouting in front of cameras and for doing the same this time you should be commended in the same way.

To the people who marched through Edinburgh, this is how a protest should be done and I applaud your efforts. I only hope the pop stars don't take the media attention away from what you did today. A quarter of a million people making a peaceful protest is something to be proud of.

To Tony Blair and the other members attending the G8, just do the right thing for once.