Day trip to Southend-on-Sea

I used to go here as a kid and thought I'd go to it again as I had nothing planned this weekend, and there was a little theme park to visit. However just as I was about to leave there was the most horrendous rainstorm and I didn't leave until it had subsided. I didn't arrive til late in the afternoon.

The pier is the longest in the world. Did I walk to the end of it? Hell no, not with the wind as fast as it was.

Mighty Mini Mega was not bad for a little compact coaster. It did suffer from some major despatch times though. I think they were waiting for a full train.

Strange little wheel

Green Scream is the biggest coaster in the park and has ridiculously long trains.

Told you it was long.

Although the park is small, it does make the effort with its theming.

Not the nicest sky, it rained on and off but happily the park kept open. Only the slide type attractions were closed.

This bit was deserted for some reason, perhaps the colours were too gaudy.

Eagles Claw is a pretty cool spin ride, rotating at a decent speed and flipping you upside down at the same time.

The best shots of the ride come from the promenade.

Barnstormer is a strange little kiddy coaster, squashed into a little bit of space in the park (room is at a premium here). Again it does have nice theming.

Even the closed signs are themed, which, pardon the pun, is a good sign of the park taking their role seriously.

I don't think its re-magicalising that's needed here. The track just needs to be put back.

Perhaps the best ride in the park is the Disc-O, which I first rode at a trade fair in Orlando in 2004. I like this ride.

I think they liked it too.

For the kids that were too scared to ride that there was a little version of it.

After some fish and chips and a walk along the promenade I ended up at the Kursal which now houses a theatre.

Electric Avenue was the main arcade on the promenade. It did have a Harley Davidson game but it was broken so there was no way I was going to get #1 on that.

Looking back at the park. There's a great rail for the skateboarders brave enough to try this!

Reckon they're playing live?

Iron Maiden appeared on a German TV show and got fed up with the director during rehearsals so decided to get their own back. The results can be seen here

Daniel Chesterfield

This guy is going to be big in the world of magic and illusion. Link

My Brother's Wedding.

After two years of thorough planning, my brother married Lianne at Knebworth Barns. The day was perfect, everything worked exactly as they'd wanted.

On the way to the photograph taking. The junior divison of Reservoir Dogs go to work.

Enjoying the weather whilst Bride and Groom pose for pics. I catch dad by surprise.

A proper piper was brought in to provide musical accompaniment to the ceremony and during the picture taking. There's a great story with this chap and my dad, which my brother didn't realise when he chose him. It's a small world.

Bride, Groom and the bridesmaids outside Knebworth Hall.

The obligatory "lets litter the area with paper and flowers" shot.

Fair to say my brother is happy now that he's married. No reason to be nervous now!

Getting ready for the speeches. Liverpool fans were tuned into the FA cup final.

Lianne and Andrew get ready to hand out the favours to the guests.

"I didn't fart"

Mum and Dad during the meal, smile!

The father of the Bride Steve doing his bit to get into the Scottish Vibe :D His speech was funny. I got a good response too (I was best man) but was nervous as hell when it was time to say my speech, I'm glad I had the room laughing at the right time..

The cutting of the cake. Hey quit kissing and cut the cake.

The first dance was to "Suddenly" by Billy Ocean. I thought it would have been "Electric Avenue"

It was the kids that kept the dancefloor buzzing.

My cousin's little girl Briagh taking pics. Everyone was given a camera to capture the day. A great idea!

A rare shot of me in front of the lense. I hate having my picture taken.

Briagh's older sister Lauren. I liked how this pic came out.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

Later in the evening and I'm looking the worst for wear.

Managed a smile in this one.

One of Andrew's workmates, Riann with his girlfriend Ruth. Both are great dancers and stole the floor when the music picked up!

Zoe with her boyfriend Ross.

The night becomes too much for the little 'uns.

The day went great, and I am really happy for the two of them. I wish them all the best for their future together.

Oh, and if anyone is wondering what I wore under the kilt. Lets just say a cousin ensured I was wearing it properly. Its funny how much attention you get when you wear one. I'll be getting one for future parties methinks.

Em Eye - Eye Eye Eye

Or Mission Impossible 3, as most people would call it. It should really be called "Watch Tom Run 3" however as that is what this film consists of most of the time. Being an action movie, Lost Director JJ Abrams has gone for the easy way of making action movies in having Tom do everything quickly to match the tension. He should realise that to be uber cool, he should learn the Schwarzenegger technique of walking whilst killing people, like he did in Terminator 2. Its just so much better killing people at a slower pace, and you don't work up such a sweat. We even have one hilarious scene where we're told he has to run a mile through crowded streets in the slums of Shanghai, which he completes in well under four minutes. Run Tom Run....

The film is an improvement on the last film, but I'm not sure whether it is as good as the first. The big problem is that Tom's in it too much, but then he is the producer. His team consists of 3 others and their involvement seems quite trivial. I had the impression that if Ethan Hunt could clone himself he'd play all the team members himself, including the female role.

It tries to outbond Bond by having better gadgets, better locations, nicer cars (even if they do get blown up) and in that regards the film is successful. It's surprising how no-one thought of having magnetic bombs before, they're really cool. Rather ironically it'll be interesting to see how the new Bond film does having foregone all of this to return to a more basic plot without the gimmicks.

Speaking of plot, this story is a bit convoluted. Ethan is asked to rescue a kidnapped agent from the clutches of Owen Davian (played very well by Philip Capote Seymour Hoffman), a black market dealer with a penchant for putting bombs up people's noses. After one of the bomb goes off with hysterically funny results, Ethan decides to defy his bosses orders and kidnap Owen. After he escapes capture he then kidnaps Ethan's new wife and forces him to steal something called "The Rabbit's Foot", which disappointingly wasn't a real rabbits foot.

In this film they've tried to expand on Ethan's personality by showing his personal life, which sucks. A lot of the time these scenes are playing out you just want them to finish and the next action sequence to start. If only cinemas had fast forwards, I'd have used them quite a bit in this film. I wouldn't have minded if we'd have seen the same of the other members in the team. Instead they just pop up when needed then disappear when they don't.

I also don't like films that have a happy final scene with all the main characters having big cheesy grins, the sort of scene that Police Squad used to lampoon. I knew the film would be full of Tom's grin anyway so should really have expected it.

Oh, and apparently IMF, the agency that Ethan is a member of, stands for "Impossible Mission Force". Almost as pathetic sounding as BFG in the Doom movie standing for "Big Force Gun". And why is there no big band doing the intro? In the first film we had 2 of U2, in the second we had Limp Bizkit. In this one we have some weird brass band. Well that's what it sounds like.

The Sultan's Elephant

One of Britains largest free art shows started today in London with a show called The Sultan's Elephant. Earlier in the week a rocket crashed into London and today an absolutely massive elephant was paraded around the city.

The whole thing is very French and I mean that in a good way. No one does visual art quite as good as them, and the attention to detail on the elephant was stunning. Although it's driven on wheels, the legs, head, trunk, ears, mouth and just about all of it moves to look like it's walking. Even the tongue moves, and it roars and sprays water too.

Unfortunately I wasn't prepared properly for this and both my battery and back up had run out of charge but I managed to get a few pics before they died. I passed the rocket on the way home and had no charge left at that point.

The whole thing runs for the duration of the weekend and I'm glad I saw it.

Eurovision 2006 Lithuanian Entry

What better way to get people to vote for you than to incorporate doing just that into the lyrics of the song. This is a gamble that could either pay off or fall flat on its arse, but with the worst music contest on the planet you never know how things will pan out.
Eurovision 2006 Lithuanian Entry

Slither

The final film of the weekend was a cinema release that I gambled on going to. Fortunately the pager didn't go off although to be honest I wouldn't have minded if it had.

The film tells the story of an slug type alien presence that crashes near a small town and takes over the body of one of the townsfolk, with a rather unfortunate name of Grant Grant. Having been taken control of Grant it then kidnaps a local woman to become the host for some more slugs. The slugs then gradually take over the town and its up to the good looking leads to save the day.

The film is a comedy-horror more Shaun of the Dead than Scary movie, although not as good as either, which says something considering how bad the latter is. Whereas Shaun of the Dead was laugh out loud funny and gory this is barely raises a chuckle but is quite gory. In fact I think I only laughed once, towards the end of the movie, when the male lead (Malcolm from Serenity) sees what has happened to Grant (Michael Rooker, Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer).

The effects are alright, featuring the obligatory "man gets split vertically in two" effect that appears more and more in these films. There is a little nod to classic gore movie "Society" towards the end but not done as well, which is shocking considering that film is almost 20 years old.

Performances are what you'd expect from this genre, nothing too challenging. Just screaming on cue etc.. The cop out with zombie movies is that you don't really have to try too hard to be one. Just stiffen the joints, walk like you've pooed your pants and moan, which you would be entitled to do if you had pooed.

Whilst in Belgium I saw posters advertising the film with the Tagline "You'll shit yourself" or something equally inappropriate although having not taken any pictures of it I can't back it up. I can't find any foreign posters online either.

Oh, and if you do go and see it please watch it to the end of the credits as apparently there's something at the end I missed. I'd appreciate it if you could let me know what it is. Thanks!

Nightwatch

Apparently the most successful movie of all time..........if you're Russian.
This was a film I first saw the trailer to months ago and it looked awesome, great CGI plenty of vampire battles; everything that Underworld and Constantine could have been and a possible Blade beater.

However I watched the film last night and I didn't get it at all. The story tells of 2 factions, light and dark who form a truce to not kill each other. Both sides have a shift that police the other to ensure the truce is upheld. The nightwatch in the title refers to the goodies that police the vampires that come out only at night.

When an attempt by some of the vampires to drink the blood of a human boy is thwarted a vampire is killed (pretty cool ceramic head death) opening a feud between the two sides. The beginning of a foretold prophecy manifesting itself (on the underground of all places) runs alongside that story as another thread. When the two threads come together it is discovered that the boy that would have had his blood sucked dry is actually the deciding factor mentioned in the prophecy and when he picks a side that side will eventually take over the world.

The film is the first part of a trilogy from what I can tell. Discussion boards seem to think that the third may be shot in the U.S. which is pissing a lot of fans off. This leads me to conclude that the second has already been shot.

The film does have clever CGI especially in the gloom (fog that the vampires thrive in at night) and the battle scenes are impressive. However I came away from this thinking that the trailer was a lot more exciting than the final product. Perhaps in the context of a trilogy it might be good but this first chapter wasn't very good at all so I'm not sure I'll even bother with the other two.

Flightplan

Jodie Foster takes her kid on a flight and no one believes her when she disappears (the kid not Jodie, that would be rubbish if the lead vanished). Is she mad or is she telling the truth? That's the premise in this film that I managed to avoid over the last few months but decided to watch this weekend.

Jodie does alright in this film even with her obligatory southern accent, which annoys me. It was the main reason for not wanting to see this film in the first place. Sean Bean does alright as the Pilot of the plane, clearly cast for this English accent that offsets Jodies. Peter Sarsgaard (nice word for scrabble) plays the air marshal who can't appear to keep control of Jodie when she goes a bit potty.

This film is so full of holes, it takes away from any credibility the film writes might have had in putting the film together. Apart from the biggest oversight being an aircraft full of passengers not knowing if the girl has been taken or not, there are plenty of others.

They make a big deal of the cockpit being secure but then there is a scene which shows a clear crawlspace between there and one of the toilets. Secondly Jodie's character knows a lot about the layout of the plane which is surprising considering we're told her job was putting the engines on the plane.

The obligatory twist is stupid and inconceivable and spoils the film even more. The one thing that I did like about the film was the camerawork which moves fluidly around the plane as if the walls and ceiling weren't there. I think it says more about the film when I enjoyed the making of featurette more than the film itself.

Oh, and don't give the characters the surname of "Pratt", that's just asking for a negative review.

A History of Violence

This is a weird one.

David Cronenberg is perhaps the second most off-the-wall director out there (David Lynch has to be the first) making movies that defy Hollywood convention.

This one however is quite mainstream for him but still has those little touches of his that ensure you don't think he's lost it.

The film tells the tale of Tom Stall, a diner owner in a small town who becomes a local hero after foiling a robbery attempt, killing the two robbers along the way. As he becomes use to the fame he attracts the attention of some out-of-town gangsters who believe he is a mobster called Joey who has gone into hiding.

The plot is very straightforward and Cronenberg doesn't throw in any twists, that most directors would. What the film is about is the devastation to the family, in particular his wife, that the possible revelation has. The performances are alright but there isn't much in the script to challenge them artistically.

The ending is kept intentionally ambiguous which is perhaps the twist that Cronenberg had intended to give us (I'm not spoiling anything in saying that).

Doom

Film 2 in the weekend marathon and another computer game adaptation although this one is a loose use of the licence unlike FF7.

The game never really had a story, you would just run around and shoot monsters that jumped out of the dark at you. So this was never going to win any awards for best screenplay. When a distress call is sent from an archaeological dig, a team of galactic commandoes, led by WWE franchised eyebrow The Rock, are sent to investigate.

They then find the scientists infected with a condition that turns them into zombies which threaten the planet should they escape from the laboratories they're currently running amok in. A back story shows that a botched genetic experiment was the cause.

The film is shite, and I suspect this due to the lack of story to work on. Rosamund Pike is drafted in as a doctor providing the only female role in the film. Fortunately for the executives there is no love thread involving her. Instead she's the feuding sister of one of the marines.

There are a couple of nods to the game, in particular with the weaponry with each marine having their weapon of choice being one of the selectable weapons in the game. The BFG is in the game too as a hidden weapon. I cried with despair when they called it the Big Force Gun, fortunately the writers redeemed themselves when The Rock later referred to it by its real name "The Big Fucking Gun". In perhaps the closest nod to the original game there is a first person sequence that runs for about 5 minutes. It's during this sequence where an axe wielding zombie drops the axe into his head that provided the biggest laugh out loud moment.

A strange piece of casting was having Dexter Fletcher play the part of a administrator who has lost his legs and moves around on CGI wheels. I wonder what he was thinking when he agreed to play that part.

I don't think we've yet to have a good adaptation of a computer game yet, although Silent Hill might manage it. On the scale of adaptations I think this one would have to be down the bottom of the scale close to the Super Mario Brothers movie. Doom is a horror game but rather than make a horror movie they made an action one, and I don't think it works as well as it could have.